Wait, what? I have to look at preschools while babies are in utero? I’ve heard crazy stories from New York (check out “Nursery University” a fabulous but frightening documentary). Well, yes, I am afraid, you do. At least when they are one.

If you are thinking about sending your kids to private school on the Westside of Los Angeles, you cannot escape the conversation about feeder preschools. What is wrong with the preschool I saw in my neighborhood or near my workplace? The best known private elementaries all insist they take children from many different preschools (like 30!), yet Westside moms still feel compelled to look into the same ones. The problem with going to the feeder preschools, is that many families in your class may want to get into the same schools. If I intend to send my child to public school, should I bother getting riled up about this? Probably not.

Toddler programs are the first hurdle. Not all preschools have them though. Some have “workshops” which you must pay for. I am sure that helps, though they may deny it, yet they won’t guarantee admission. Toddler programs are usually parent-only (no nannies) and are the foray into increasing chances of getting into preschool. They are by no means the only way. The preschool we go to did not even accept us for toddler! And little did I know that some moms actually go to more than one toddler program! Sometimes this is impossible depending on your occupation and budget. The wealthier, stay at home moms seem to make it a hobby to attend these in multiples.  It is a good way to get to know the schools and meet potential new friends for you and your family. I attended one toddler program which was overpriced. The director seemed nice and with it, but the toddler group leader was not friendly and picked favorites, did not even know my kids’ names, blamed my child’s disposition for having crying episodes (ummm…maybe it’s because you let another child hit my child repeatedly and not correct it, and neither did the mom!).

Things to consider:

1) How much care do you really need? Some schools do not offer full day or Monday through Friday care. Half days may fit your schedule, your kid’s nap schedule, and budget better.

2) How much can you spend? Some feeder preschools are really expensive (upwards of $18K per child per school year). Church based preschools are often less expensive than their counterparts. Again, maybe half-day is more affordable.

3) How far are you willing to drive? Can you stand the traffic? Will you make drop off on time or is it a huge hassle?

4) What kind of families attend? Would I fit in? Can I stand the other moms there? Many of these schools constantly ask for donations and volunteering. Can you afford that? If not, can you donate your time? At my preschool, many of the families are uber-wealthy types, I’m talking net worth figures in the 8 figures and beyond. Luckily since my job pays well, I can keep up with the Joneses with my money and time, but I am sure for the parents who cannot, they can’t help but feel a bit different and uncomfortable.

5) Who is the director of the school? Do I feel comfortable with the school philosophy? Some preschools are play-based “Reggio”, some skew academic-ABC’s, phonics, some are a blend. One school I visited had a mission statement on the website which was so jumbled and verbose, I didn’t really get it. Then when I heard the director speak, it was just as confusing. Trying to impress parents with lots of info but not presenting it in a meaningful way. Pretty neurotic. Kids looked miserable there. Guess what? I still turned in an application (and by the way, those can cost $50-150 each), I could kick myself for doing that-I shouldn’t have but I got caught up in the hype.

6) How is the physical plant? Nice facilities or cramped? Is there a good playground/yard? Do things look clean and orderly?

7) How stable are the teachers there? Do they often leave? Is there enrichment (art, music, Spanish, sports) and if so, what kind and how often?

8) Do I like the energy there? Is it too quiet and rigid for me and my kids or too energetic and chaotic?

9) Which private schools do the children attend? How many NON-siblings, non-legacies got their first choice?

These are all very personal issues for everyone and don’t listen to your fellow mom. Listen to your gut. If you or your kid would not seem happy there, or you’re currently not enjoying your experience in toddler, the school is not a good fit for you. If you are feeling it, probably other moms may feel it too but may be reluctant to admit it since they are trying to get in. We attended 3 different toddler programs over 2 years. It was a great way to get a sense of what was good for you and your kids.

Also, those books by Michelle Nitka and Fiona Whitney are outdated as of this post. Use them as a resource to find schools you may not have heard of, do not take them as the gospel. They really do not provide any inside information that is necessary to get in.  Things change and through the school websites, tours and fellow mommies, you will learn what you need to know.