The Flashy Handbag Club

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CLICK HERE: WHY LOUIS VUITTON IS IN TROUBLE ARTICLE

So excited to hear on the evening news that the Washington Post has reported that luxury handbag makers are seriously worried about the trend of women disliking designer handbags. Too bad that Westside moms haven’t caught on yet.

Are you tired of seeing Goyard, Celine, Hermes and Valentino bags? I predict those Valentino studs on shoes and bags will soon be about as cool as those Louis Vuitton Murakami bags are now-NOT!

Why are Westside women so insecure that they must be seen with these bags? We all know that since you live in the Palisades, Brentwood, etc. that you can afford one of these bags. It’s tiresome and tacky. Show some understated class by NOT showing off. Sorry, but the non-California girl in me is coming out. Some blogs even talk about the “It bags” at private schools.

No one cares about your bag. I care about what’s in your head and your heart. This isn’t junior high…or is it?

The Private School Elementary Admissions Process in the Westside of Los Angeles

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OK. Now I can look back on the whole “process” and say, “Whoa!”

My best advice is do not get too emotionally invested in the process. I’ve determined at some of the highly desired and hyped schools, it is not really about the kids or your merit. Regarding certain schools, I’ve determined it is mainly based on net worth. I have evidence that at least two of the schools, money can get your kid in. I literally could predict who was going to get in where from our class based on how much money a family is worth. It is sad but true. If I knew money talked, I could have spared some, but in principle, I just think this is just plain wrong-apparently the schools don’t feel that way. It won’t make sense based on the character of some of the parents or the kids-that is overlooked apparently in some examples.

Everyone has contacts-what you say on your app or in person, all the fairs and events you’ve attended, etc…well, it just won’t matter much. Yes, there are a few exceptions to the rule, especially if you are from an underrepresented minority or you happen to share a common thread with one of the admissions directors or administration, or applied twice. But let’s face it. Some of these directors are former parents of the school. It’s not all about academia and credentials here and do not read into their friendliness or how much fun you had talking with them. They are nice and lovely, but they are in the PR business, and the hype of admissions creates money for the schools and good PR. I literally saw kisses and hugs and fawning over candidates and families in front of my own eyes, and that doesn’t mean you’re in.  There will always be, oh but “so and so I know had no connections, “but it might be a few of their class, not the majority. One school keeps saying how there are exactly___# of new families this year. Well, that’s the same story as last year, and I don’t quite believe it. If you knew there were really only 4-6 new spots, would you apply and waste the time, money and emotion? Probably not.

Regarding feeder preschools, I think it can help or possibly hurt. One of the schools had so many sibling/legacies from our preschool, it was kind of hopeless for many of us. And comparatively, even though we make 7 figures a year (there apparently are too many of those on the Westside), some of the schools prefer families with a net worth in the high 8 figures and beyond. One of the parents in my preschool made me almost spit out my drink when he confided in me that he makes $400K a year in and he feels like the poorest family in our school! Of course, they are one of my favorite families there. Nonetheless, I loved our feeder preschool, and despite some of the moms being cliquey at times, the pressure to always donate, I met some really good people and nice families and I think overall they did a great job.

I’m excited about where we got in because the moms are willingly, like me, not partaking in the flashy handbag club and gasp…some of the moms (and maybe half of them) work! They are smart and they work! Not vanity jobs-real ones! And it is truly diverse, not a few token families to make it look better, or worrying that too many of a certain race or ethnic group will make it look unattractive. I know for a fact in one case we were discriminated against even though this is illegal and against the independent schools’ association policy. I found out that it wasn’t based on the assessment really (because we NAILED that, so don’t stress out about that-that’s just an another excuse to reject, not accept, your kid/family).  I won’t go into too many other details, but all I can say is, we too someday shall overcome….

I literally saw at one school the admissions staff making fun of a preschool director that was visiting. They were super rude to her face and then talked behind her back within earshot of me in the waiting room. It was unbelievable. They are all into “character” yet their own admissions staff was impolite. When I was on the campus, girls were in the bathroom talking smack about other girls, and I saw a boy leave class crying. Another highly desired school that we chose not to apply to said, “We don’t care where your kid ends up in college” while in the same breath says “Yale loves our students…”.

This is not about your kid’s future. My cousins went to the two best known private HS’s on the Westside, and neither of them have accomplished much in their adult lives. In the area I’m from, the best public HS has more famous and accomplished alumni than Brentwood, HW and Crossroads combined. I heard from a private K-6 mom that her daughter at Harvard Westlake feels not so smart and thinks the Paul Revere kids are smarter. Westside public schools in the Palisades, Westwood, Brentwood, Santa Monica, etc. are all really good academically. You’re basically paying for the facilities, the personal attention, the social atmosphere, and enrichment like art and music (which by the way-some of the most desired schools don’t even do that great of a job at or don’t have any real campus). An insider at one of the highly desired private K-6 schools told me to save my money and not go there for elementary. Another person reminded me that “real school begins in 7th grade.”

It’s about YOU the parents. If you are decent, smart and nice, chances are your kids will turn out the same. Thankfully, I have a good sense of self-worth and I have friends here that remind me that I’m worthy and my kids are awesome. You will find a private school that finds you the same, and even if you are a complete reject, you’ll be fine. There are just too many great families, cute kids and superwealth in West LA, it’s hard to stand out. If you know your first choice, it’s a good idea to make that known to them. And find out as much detail from your preschool director exactly who from your school will end up there as sibs/legacies and notice who has more cash than you. Be nosy with your director so you don’t get false hope. Apply twice if necessary, because that seemed to work out for some families. Wait lists are common-we got on a couple-but realize that deposits and full year’s tuitions in some cases, are due very early on. Also, almost no one got in more than one school so forget those fantasies…

It is cliche, but it is true that things will probably work out for the best. More and more, things will be more about your kid, merit and assessments. And clearly, success is not all about where you went to school. It’s about perserverance, hard work, social skills and character-at least for the working poor of the Westside. Good luck with “the process.” Oy vey.

How to pick a preschool on the Westside of Los Angeles

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Wait, what? I have to look at preschools while babies are in utero? I’ve heard crazy stories from New York (check out “Nursery University” a fabulous but frightening documentary). Well, yes, I am afraid, you do. At least when they are one.

If you are thinking about sending your kids to private school on the Westside of Los Angeles, you cannot escape the conversation about feeder preschools. What is wrong with the preschool I saw in my neighborhood or near my workplace? The best known private elementaries all insist they take children from many different preschools (like 30!), yet Westside moms still feel compelled to look into the same ones. The problem with going to the feeder preschools, is that many families in your class may want to get into the same schools. If I intend to send my child to public school, should I bother getting riled up about this? Probably not.

Toddler programs are the first hurdle. Not all preschools have them though. Some have “workshops” which you must pay for. I am sure that helps, though they may deny it, yet they won’t guarantee admission. Toddler programs are usually parent-only (no nannies) and are the foray into increasing chances of getting into preschool. They are by no means the only way. The preschool we go to did not even accept us for toddler! And little did I know that some moms actually go to more than one toddler program! Sometimes this is impossible depending on your occupation and budget. The wealthier, stay at home moms seem to make it a hobby to attend these in multiples.  It is a good way to get to know the schools and meet potential new friends for you and your family. I attended one toddler program which was overpriced. The director seemed nice and with it, but the toddler group leader was not friendly and picked favorites, did not even know my kids’ names, blamed my child’s disposition for having crying episodes (ummm…maybe it’s because you let another child hit my child repeatedly and not correct it, and neither did the mom!).

Things to consider:

1) How much care do you really need? Some schools do not offer full day or Monday through Friday care. Half days may fit your schedule, your kid’s nap schedule, and budget better.

2) How much can you spend? Some feeder preschools are really expensive (upwards of $18K per child per school year). Church based preschools are often less expensive than their counterparts. Again, maybe half-day is more affordable.

3) How far are you willing to drive? Can you stand the traffic? Will you make drop off on time or is it a huge hassle?

4) What kind of families attend? Would I fit in? Can I stand the other moms there? Many of these schools constantly ask for donations and volunteering. Can you afford that? If not, can you donate your time? At my preschool, many of the families are uber-wealthy types, I’m talking net worth figures in the 8 figures and beyond. Luckily since my job pays well, I can keep up with the Joneses with my money and time, but I am sure for the parents who cannot, they can’t help but feel a bit different and uncomfortable.

5) Who is the director of the school? Do I feel comfortable with the school philosophy? Some preschools are play-based “Reggio”, some skew academic-ABC’s, phonics, some are a blend. One school I visited had a mission statement on the website which was so jumbled and verbose, I didn’t really get it. Then when I heard the director speak, it was just as confusing. Trying to impress parents with lots of info but not presenting it in a meaningful way. Pretty neurotic. Kids looked miserable there. Guess what? I still turned in an application (and by the way, those can cost $50-150 each), I could kick myself for doing that-I shouldn’t have but I got caught up in the hype.

6) How is the physical plant? Nice facilities or cramped? Is there a good playground/yard? Do things look clean and orderly?

7) How stable are the teachers there? Do they often leave? Is there enrichment (art, music, Spanish, sports) and if so, what kind and how often?

8) Do I like the energy there? Is it too quiet and rigid for me and my kids or too energetic and chaotic?

9) Which private schools do the children attend? How many NON-siblings, non-legacies got their first choice?

These are all very personal issues for everyone and don’t listen to your fellow mom. Listen to your gut. If you or your kid would not seem happy there, or you’re currently not enjoying your experience in toddler, the school is not a good fit for you. If you are feeling it, probably other moms may feel it too but may be reluctant to admit it since they are trying to get in. We attended 3 different toddler programs over 2 years. It was a great way to get a sense of what was good for you and your kids.

Also, those books by Michelle Nitka and Fiona Whitney are outdated as of this post. Use them as a resource to find schools you may not have heard of, do not take them as the gospel. They really do not provide any inside information that is necessary to get in.  Things change and through the school websites, tours and fellow mommies, you will learn what you need to know.