OK. Now I can look back on the whole “process” and say, “Whoa!”

My best advice is do not get too emotionally invested in the process. I’ve determined at some of the highly desired and hyped schools, it is not really about the kids or your merit. Regarding certain schools, I’ve determined it is mainly based on net worth. I have evidence that at least two of the schools, money can get your kid in. I literally could predict who was going to get in where from our class based on how much money a family is worth. It is sad but true. If I knew money talked, I could have spared some, but in principle, I just think this is just plain wrong-apparently the schools don’t feel that way. It won’t make sense based on the character of some of the parents or the kids-that is overlooked apparently in some examples.

Everyone has contacts-what you say on your app or in person, all the fairs and events you’ve attended, etc…well, it just won’t matter much. Yes, there are a few exceptions to the rule, especially if you are from an underrepresented minority or you happen to share a common thread with one of the admissions directors or administration, or applied twice. But let’s face it. Some of these directors are former parents of the school. It’s not all about academia and credentials here and do not read into their friendliness or how much fun you had talking with them. They are nice and lovely, but they are in the PR business, and the hype of admissions creates money for the schools and good PR. I literally saw kisses and hugs and fawning over candidates and families in front of my own eyes, and that doesn’t mean you’re in.  There will always be, oh but “so and so I know had no connections, “but it might be a few of their class, not the majority. One school keeps saying how there are exactly___# of new families this year. Well, that’s the same story as last year, and I don’t quite believe it. If you knew there were really only 4-6 new spots, would you apply and waste the time, money and emotion? Probably not.

Regarding feeder preschools, I think it can help or possibly hurt. One of the schools had so many sibling/legacies from our preschool, it was kind of hopeless for many of us. And comparatively, even though we make 7 figures a year (there apparently are too many of those on the Westside), some of the schools prefer families with a net worth in the high 8 figures and beyond. One of the parents in my preschool made me almost spit out my drink when he confided in me that he makes $400K a year in and he feels like the poorest family in our school! Of course, they are one of my favorite families there. Nonetheless, I loved our feeder preschool, and despite some of the moms being cliquey at times, the pressure to always donate, I met some really good people and nice families and I think overall they did a great job.

I’m excited about where we got in because the moms are willingly, like me, not partaking in the flashy handbag club and gasp…some of the moms (and maybe half of them) work! They are smart and they work! Not vanity jobs-real ones! And it is truly diverse, not a few token families to make it look better, or worrying that too many of a certain race or ethnic group will make it look unattractive. I know for a fact in one case we were discriminated against even though this is illegal and against the independent schools’ association policy. I found out that it wasn’t based on the assessment really (because we NAILED that, so don’t stress out about that-that’s just an another excuse to reject, not accept, your kid/family).  I won’t go into too many other details, but all I can say is, we too someday shall overcome….

I literally saw at one school the admissions staff making fun of a preschool director that was visiting. They were super rude to her face and then talked behind her back within earshot of me in the waiting room. It was unbelievable. They are all into “character” yet their own admissions staff was impolite. When I was on the campus, girls were in the bathroom talking smack about other girls, and I saw a boy leave class crying. Another highly desired school that we chose not to apply to said, “We don’t care where your kid ends up in college” while in the same breath says “Yale loves our students…”.

This is not about your kid’s future. My cousins went to the two best known private HS’s on the Westside, and neither of them have accomplished much in their adult lives. In the area I’m from, the best public HS has more famous and accomplished alumni than Brentwood, HW and Crossroads combined. I heard from a private K-6 mom that her daughter at Harvard Westlake feels not so smart and thinks the Paul Revere kids are smarter. Westside public schools in the Palisades, Westwood, Brentwood, Santa Monica, etc. are all really good academically. You’re basically paying for the facilities, the personal attention, the social atmosphere, and enrichment like art and music (which by the way-some of the most desired schools don’t even do that great of a job at or don’t have any real campus). An insider at one of the highly desired private K-6 schools told me to save my money and not go there for elementary. Another person reminded me that “real school begins in 7th grade.”

It’s about YOU the parents. If you are decent, smart and nice, chances are your kids will turn out the same. Thankfully, I have a good sense of self-worth and I have friends here that remind me that I’m worthy and my kids are awesome. You will find a private school that finds you the same, and even if you are a complete reject, you’ll be fine. There are just too many great families, cute kids and superwealth in West LA, it’s hard to stand out. If you know your first choice, it’s a good idea to make that known to them. And find out as much detail from your preschool director exactly who from your school will end up there as sibs/legacies and notice who has more cash than you. Be nosy with your director so you don’t get false hope. Apply twice if necessary, because that seemed to work out for some families. Wait lists are common-we got on a couple-but realize that deposits and full year’s tuitions in some cases, are due very early on. Also, almost no one got in more than one school so forget those fantasies…

It is cliche, but it is true that things will probably work out for the best. More and more, things will be more about your kid, merit and assessments. And clearly, success is not all about where you went to school. It’s about perserverance, hard work, social skills and character-at least for the working poor of the Westside. Good luck with “the process.” Oy vey.